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Almost anything at all reminds me of my drug addiction. The smell that reminds me most of the darkest days is burned marshmallows. The sound of tin foil gives me goosebumps. I was only fourteen or fifteen when I began to use opiates. I was in love. Both with a boy who introduced me to the drugs and with the drugs themselves. I found myself skipping school, spending money I didn't have, and losing every care I once had in the world. I lied, I snuck around, all of these actions fueled by pills. Everyday became dark and foggy and I lost sight of the light in my life.
I was in love. Both with a boy who introduced me to the drugs and with the drugs themselves.
I'm only twenty and I have been clean for a year and a half. I have moved across the country and completed two years at a liberal arts college. I up and left the state because I learned I had just about no other choice. Over two years ago I lost a good friend to a drug overdose. It wasn't until then that I realized how fragile life can be and how we were all taking it so deeply for granted. Vermont is a beautiful state with beautiful people but the addiction there is getting out of hand. No one ever grows up thinking that killing pain through drugs will be the highlight of their day for four years, but I found myself there. Its a scary and lonely place. Especially at sixteen after pushing your entire family away.
After moving away I have discovered how beautiful life is. I miss Vermont dearly and it will always have a place in my heart but I am ever grateful that I had the strength to move on and be clean. I am a much happier, healthier person and have the time and energy to do things that I love. Compared to the dark days masked by addiction, today my life is full of sunshine. I just hope that all of my loved ones who are still struggling will find it in themselves to recover like I did. We all deserve better than a life gripped by addiction. And we all have the strength within ourselves.
I pray for Vermont.
-Anonymous
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reminders of my son
Whenever I see anything at all, I see Sam.
whenever i see...
stars
lions
butterflies
flamingos
sad kids
a happy little boy
big brown eyes
tears
smiles
the sky
ADDICTION
the ocean
mountains
rainbow sparkles in the snow
waterfalls
heart stones
heart clouds
anything heart-shaped
rainbows
moose
wooden beads
trillium
soft little hands
marigolds
subarus
pills
bandanas
the color orchid
dogs
ice cream
sea shells
lax
hoops
baseball
hats
fishing rods
marshmallow fluff
meatloaf
Sarah
palm trees
spiders
big snakes
17, 22, 23
death
sunflowers
pumpkins
cous cous
dancing
herons
carhartt jackets
toy
cars
ineffective agencies
ABUSE
whenever i see anything at all, i see Sam.
whenever i hear...
singing
parakeets
robins
rivers
laughter
sobbing
screaming
waves
guitars
drums
jackson browne
paul simon
bob marley
james taylor
rain
fireworks
whenever i hear any sound at all, i hear Sam
whenever i smell...
peanut butter
hospitals
forests
ocean air
bait
dirty socks
sweat
grass
roses
vanilla
candles
pizza
lilacs
barbecues
leather chairs
new cars
after shave
wood smoke
coffee
old shoes
sun screen
chlorinated swimming pools
his room
whenever i smell anything at all, i smell Sam
whenever i feel...
joy
pain
sorrow
hopelessness
helplessness
love
hate
alone
anger
terror
loss
pride
courage
wounded
God
FEAR
whenever i feel anything at all, i feel Sam.
-Linda Namy
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